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Post by shirochigo on May 25, 2011 1:16:51 GMT -5
Tonight's article:
Do you think that people without children can lead happier lives or are children a vital part of that? What about couples who can't have children? Are they less happy?
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Post by danta on May 25, 2011 1:40:31 GMT -5
I've worked with kids, and they drive me crazy. They have cute moments, but those aren't enough of a reason to have kids of my own. People that have kids "because they love one another" don't make sense to me either; you love your other half, alright, fine. Why would you want to make another living thing because of that? Why would you devote the rest of your life, your health, your psyche, to making sure it survived the chaos of life? I'd rather make sure I survived it, thank you very much. Other than that, there is the genetics problem. I've got Autism in my family - my brother's a high functioning autistic, and we don't know where it came from. It could be that if I had a child, they would be the same way. Due to life experiences with this, it deters me from having kids. My parents say I should be more compassionate for people with disorders, but after being through the crap I've been through (dead pets, near death experiences, etc) I wouldn't want to deal with someone like that. I wouldn't even wish it upon my most dire of enemies.
The people on that page have so many responses to the question. All of them seem to be very defensive, and that doesn't surprise me. Society almost demands that you have children; that a normal family consists of a husband, wife, and child. Right now, at age twenty, I have no desire to have children. I haven't had any desires for a child in my life, and actually went through my childhood as an Asexual individual. It wasn't until I was eighteen that I had my first boyfriend, and it was because I didn't want anything to do with reproduction (and well, stupid life stuff due to my brother). I avoided it like the plague, rofl. Although I am now in a steady relationship and I'm out of my family-house, living with my boyfriend.. Neither of us wants kids. We see how people raise their own children, how society bends them to their will, how stupid they can be and all we see is the hassle of it.
We're happy, why ruin it with childbirth? Ick.
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Post by thejabell on May 25, 2011 3:24:55 GMT -5
Having or not having children I believe is a very touchy subject, and it differs from person to person on whether or not the journey that is raising a child will bring them happiness or not. It is a long and challenging, if not a life-consuming process, and it is not to be taken lightly. It will change the parents' entire lifestyles and focus, and it is the ultimate form of responsibility.
Ms. Danta above clearly shows one side of the equation. She feels, by what I can gather (and forgive me if I'm wrong), that kids are majorly a nuisance , and is something that she will avoid. There is nothing wrong with this idea...it is a perfectly logical and reasonable argument. If she and her boyfriend do not want children, then that is perfectly fine. No one should berate or belittle them for that choice. Some people are uncomfortable with having kids, whether it be medical, mental, genetic, physical, or whatever the case may be. No one should feel obligated to have kids because they have a significant other.
But allow me to show the opposite side of the spectrum. Take myself for example. I do in the future would like to have a child with someone I love and wants the same thing. A child for people like me is more than just another "creature" that we made through some natural process. It is a physical representation of the bond that we share. It is physical living proof that we are one, and that bond is what created this child, and it is our responsibility to raise and care for it together. Together, we will teach and nurture this child to be a fully functional adult, to progress in the world. Together, we will watch our offspring grown, and we will notice traits of ourselves, both physical and non, within them. In short, having a child should show that you are taking the commitment to stay with your loved one and in turn progress that love through your child.
Personally, I love working with kids. I always have. I grew up helping my mother run a daycare center. At the peak of her business, we had over 30 kids under the age of 10 in our care. Sure, they were rowdy, unruly, and misbehaved at times, but you learn to steer them away from that and you soon move past it. For those who truly want kids, they don't worry or look for the negative things that kids might do. They seek out and focus on the positive. The laughter of a child having fun at the park, the smile of a child who learned something new, etc...these are the things that parents and hopeful parents live for. Will they run into difficult or stressful times. Yes they will. But it's seeing their hard work blossom forth in the life of their child or children that makes it worthwhile for them. They are happier knowing that together they have created and raised this child into the person they are.
Danta also brought genetics into play, which is an important factor. My cousin is autistic. He is 20, the same age as I am, yet everyday he has to be helped and cared for by my aunt and uncle, who also have 7 other kids they care for. They feed him, care for him, bathe him, and still make time for the other kids before their own needs. They love him just as much as any of the other kids, and each of his siblings treat him with all the love and respect that a big brother should have, even though he might not fully understand why. Fortunately for me, the autisum is carried through my aunt's bloodline (who is related to me through marriage), so the threat level for my future children is quite low, but the thoughts and worries have still crossed my mind. Birth defects and other genetic abnormalities are no laughing matter. They are a very real thing to consider when deciding to have kids, and if either parent does not think they would be able to handle such a task, I would urge them to not pursue it. However, those who are like my aunt and uncle, will press on, and continue to work together to care for their kids, regardless of anything that might be wrong with them, and to show them the same love as any of the other children. I can honestly say that I would do the same should the situation arise. It would be challenging yes, but I would take it in stride and still be the best father I can be, because I created this responsibility for myself, so it is my job to care for it.
Having kids is a very delicate process of balancing one''s personal desires with the love and care needed to raise another into adulthood. It is not an easy task to complete, and no one should feel forced or obligated to have them. It is something that should only be taken on by those who will be willing to see it all the way trhough, no matter what the cost or sacrifice.
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Post by shirochigo on May 26, 2011 0:00:43 GMT -5
Unfortunately, I can't have children naturally since I'm gay but I still do have a bit of an opinion on having children. After reading both of your responses, I can see both of you are definitely on two different wavelengths on this one. I'll share mine for laughs.
Like the both of you, I have a relative who is autistic; my brother. He's seventeen now and he's actually quite advanced for an autistic child; he had his first conversation with me about a month ago. He called me up from the living room and showed me the next game in the Tales of the World series (he knows I love the Tales series from forcing him to play with me, ha ha). However, I can't excuse some of his behavior and you can't blame his autism for this part; he detests my grandmother. He constantly calls her names and curses at her face while telling her he hates her. Luckily, she can't speak a lick of English. It got so bad I actually had to slap him across the face for it and he only started getting worse with his rage. Personally, I'm with danta on this one; I wouldn't put anyone through Autism and or dealing with Autism. I can get along with my brother sometimes but he can be a real ass.
There's also the issue with abortion and abandonment as well. People want sex but not kids so condoms were made but they're not 100% effective so those children are created but then destroyed; a bittersweet chance at life. Many children are also simply thrown away like trash after they're born through parents who "thought" they wanted a child. Having a child to me is entirely a decision and shouldn't be forced like danta said. The media is always portraying some kind of "perfect" family and no family can be like that unless they're either very lucky or made of nuts and bolts.
My only view on having children is that it is entirely by choice; children are delicate beings and can end up being the end of other people or themselves if their parents will it. If you're absolutely certain that you want to have a child then go for it; there's no turning back.
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Post by Sp❣rit on May 27, 2011 0:01:05 GMT -5
Looking at the current debate and the replies above me, I just gotta say that there's no right opinion. It's about how you were raised, what you saw, what you've experienced. You can be an independent person, or you can be the kind of person that enjoys staying close to home.
I adore kids, and I get along with a lot of people that are younger than me. It's just how it always was. It was like I was the only kid in my family, because the other two that were around lived so far away. Whenever I went camping, I found out that the kids my age were giant drama llamas, and the younger ones just knew how to have fun. Climb trees. Fish. Not whine about meaningless school drama.
Maybe because I'm so young, my opinion towards having kids could sound more like a fantasy. There are definitely trials, heartache, issues of money and education, and actually getting along with your kid so they don't run off and ditch.
Having kids is definitely a life choice. A step. A decision. Life is boring without a challenge, and maintaining a family counts as one for sure. Being a parent is a vocation, a purpose, a calling, and not always the kind that you want. Love doesn't equal happiness, and like danta says, the media totally messes this all up. It's actually taboo to suggest otherwise.
There's this poet called Rachel Zucker that covers a lot of this, mostly in "Museum of Accidents" and another that was written before it. Some of her poems are online, but the one that I'm looking for exactly isn't. It's called 'What Dark Thing', if you can find it. She talks about the taboo, brings up how her life as a mother is not like the rainbow happy family the media implies, and at the end of the day, she's still a mother and a wife. Yet she loses her 'I' because of her roles to other people, to please them instead of herself.
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