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Post by FOTLY on Aug 12, 2011 21:19:54 GMT -5
I feel the need to get this off my chest before I have another breakdown like last time. Um. I'm kind of half afraid to post this because last time I posted it on a different site, I guess I gained a few haters or something. Whatever. Just don't be mad no matter how childish the following may sound like they did, if you will, please don't leave something negative under here because I really am not in the mood to read it.
Any who. On to the venting. This may get heavy in cussing.
So, as most of you know, my parents are divorced. Sure, I know people probably have it rougher than I do when it comes to divorces and stuff, but honestly, I don't think I should be put through this every time I go to visit my mom.
You see, I don't exactly like the fact that I like with my mom anymore. When she was with my grandparents, yeah sure, but things all of a sudden got rougher every since she met my now stepdad, Dave. I bet you guys have heard about him, though possible minivents in the cbox which I apologize for, but if you don't, he's an all around good guy. Until you somehow find a way to set him off. Then he's that douchebag from hell that just needs to take a few minutes and calm the fuck down.
There are multiple reasons why I don't exactly have any respect for the guy, and the above all biggest one is that he has these white rages where he says/does things that he probably shouldn't. Like for instance he'll clear a table in a sweep of his arms, threaten to burn all of our stuff including the animals, and hell, even reduce my mom to hyper ventilation and continue on with the mockery. I've even seen him pin her up against a fridge once and then almost choke her, as well as caught wind that he has hit her twice. Not to mention the many, many things he tends to call her.
White rages are no excuse for bad behavior, Dave. And you better calm your balls before I finally lose it with you. I have called the cops once and you are a sly little bitch to look those cops in the face and just say that it was nothing when in reality, it was probably one of the worst fights I have ever seen. Thankfully, I have a father that actually wants to be a good role model and is doing the best of his ability to show my brother and I what a good family is like. Thank god that my little seven year old brother won't grow up to be like you, calling his wife a slut, whore, and whatever your barbarian mind can come up with. Although, I can't say the same for your daughter and son, because from the looks of it, your son has Dyslexia, ADD, ADHD, and he's a douchebag to my little brother to the point where I feel like I have to step in to keep things on fair grounds. And then your daughter runs around caring more about who she should go to the mall with on Friday and what boyfriend she'll have when she breaks up with this one, instead of her grades. I hope you're proud.
I hope you're very proud of what you've done to me as well. You don't have to hit me like you do my mom to make me want to hate you. I'll let you know that you have already made me feel like shit with the little things you like to think up while you're in those white rages. I'll have you know that I haven't exactly wished you the best of condolences either. In fact, when I called the cops that one time, there was a little voice wishing that you went to jail that night just so you could get a taste of what your life you be like if I ever see you fucking with my family again.
I swear, if you ever lay a hand on my mother again, I will personally make sure you have the hell of a life you put my family through once I'm gone. I promise you this.
Now, on to my mom.
Mom, I love you with all of my heart. But sometimes, you need to be a tad more. . . Motherly? I swear, if you have a penis you'd be my father. I get absolutely no sympathy from you- to the point where I have to go to counseling now just so I can keep my head straight. Honestly, I've felt so close to breaking because of you. I mean, not even an hour into meeting with you today and I had already come close to tears twice and actually cried twice. Do you know how hard it is for me to stop crying once I've stopped? Do you know why I started roleplaying in the first place? These are two questions that no matter what, I will never answer them for you, because when I've tried to tell you, I've found how tender they are. I am dead serious when I say that when you and Dad split, I was depressed to the point where I didn't want to make friends. I wanted to make sure that if I did ever decide to end it all then and there, I wouldn't have anything holding me back.
The one thing keeping me going was that light at the end of the tunnel that kept saying things will get better. That and my little brother who was always kept me trucking for it. He was always there for me, seeing as when you two broke up you stayed under the same roof to try to make it easier on us. But that didn't stop you from pitting us two kids against the other parent. Nope, you, Mom, did exactly that. And then, as if the stress wasn't enough for me, my Dad was breathing down my back about weight. Like, in third grade, he'd weigh me everyday and the rule was if I was over 95 lbs, no snack. If I was under 95 lbs, sure go ahead. And, let's go to an extreme here, if I weighed so much as 96 lbs, I wouldn't get a snack.
My mom in 5th grade decided to 'crack down' on me, by telling me to "Grow a pair" when I cried or had a rough day. Fifth grade is when Dave came into my life. Fifth grade was when my stress started getting to be too much. When it started being a chore to wake up every day to so much as lounge around the house. There was always some sort of tension in the air. Hell, with a conjoined family of 6, when isn't there tension?
So, what did I do? What does any child who thinks there's nothing more to face in the world that's worse than a shitty life at school, a shitty life at home, and a single father who's house is almost always tensionless? Well, I started getting those thoughts on what the world would be like without me and stuff. Lead to me getting actually depressed, throwing a fake face for my family to stare at.
Then I started roleplaying. I found that my characters can be used as some sort of outlet, so that's what I did. My characters online became my way of pulling out of that slight depression I was in.
What made me write this today though is what happened today. Though, I'd rather not talk about it much except that mom and stepdad got into another fight that started with me and just about ended with me. I'll probably talk about it tomorrow when I don't feel so exhausted.
Sorry that it came out so long and. . . Um. . . Don't be like those other people on a different site that only said negative things about a vent that I made. Please. This actually took a lot to write out, and I'm quite glad I did.
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Post by freeziepop on Aug 13, 2011 3:45:07 GMT -5
Gosh Rawrikins. I had no idea things were that bad at home. I say a lot of things in jest but if you are sinking, you can absolutely come to me with anything. We joke about my age but I'm pretty experienced with family issues. My family is no cakewalk so perhaps I'd be able to offer some advice.
For now, though, just try to focus on getting through it day by day. Venting helps, and I'm glad you're going to counseling, even if that sometimes doesn't help all that much. You have friends here to support you, too. c:
The pain never really goes away, it just gets easier to manage. You have roleplaying (which is a great help) but sometimes outdoor activities like jogging can help with the stress. Whenever I'm feeling like I'm sinking, I try to take a step back and go for a walk/jog to clear my head and get a fresh perspective. It doesn't always work, but I usually feel better anyways!
Keep your chin up. I'm not going to promise you that everything will be ok because it isn't. This is life, things get rough sometimes and we don't always get happy endings, but you're in charge of learning whatever you can from every situation you're in.
You have my skype if you need me. I'm a pretty good listener.
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