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Post by Sheepy on Jul 20, 2012 12:13:13 GMT -5
To some of you reading this, you might be new and won't know who I am, so I'll do a breif into. My names Alex, otherwise known as sheepy who has almost been on this glorious site for almost a year. In that time I've been a mod 2 times, in which I've met some wonderful people on here.
However, to those who do know me, you might of noticed my absence in the past 2 months now, and I think it's time I spilled the beans on what has happened really...
So let's start off with the not-as-important stuff. I had some big exams, was busy revising for them, finished them everything was good.
However, there is one person on this site (you know who you are!) who knows that at my school, now that the 6th form had become co-ed, there is a girl I like but is taken by a nice person. I won't go into much detail about how the past etc, but instead going to focus on what happened.
So after my exams. I had noticed this girl wasn't in, sent her a text asking how she was, the usual stuff. However after that I realised that with everyhting I had been through (really don't want to say anything about that for the moment...maybe a story for another time) I decided that enough was enough, and I wasn't going to speak to her at all.
And boy did I stick to it. 4 weeks on resisting to send her a message. Heck I even deleted her off facebook to avoid the temptation. Why you might ask? Because why should I bother with someone that was taken already, to give my time to them with me not getting anything back. Sure we had a great relationship before then; heck we were great friends. But something inside me just snapped, and I just couldn't bring myself to talk to you, or even look at you.
So last week monday, I was talking to a good freind of mine that talks to...lets call her K shall we. I asked him if he could go around to a couple of people, including K, to get their opinions of me. This was a legit reason, although I must admit it was to get her opinion on me as well (part of the stroy I'm not telling yet).
After him asking my motives, I had to tell him why really. So after giving him my reasons, explanations and heck even his own analysis which was amaingly spot on, we agreeded to something; he would talk to her on the last day of school with some idea to ask her what was happening.
I'm going to stop there for the minute as that's really the first part of the story, and the second bit is a tad more emotional (for me really) so I wanrt to make sure it's ok before I post it. So enjoy what I've had to say so far...
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Post by WOLFBANE. on Jul 20, 2012 13:32:22 GMT -5
Hey Sheepy ol' pal ol' friend. <333 I want the whole story of what happened if you don't decide to post it here, we have to get caught up on the whole thing. I'm always here to talk even though my skype's been down on my laptop for the last little bit. [/center]
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Post by Sheepy on Jul 20, 2012 15:14:44 GMT -5
So then, it's time for me to continue off where I left...Don't worry wolfy, you'll know everything.
Can I just say though: all though this is might seem like a bad thing, it's more for me to get off my chest. It's sad yet happy at the end though, at least in my eyes though.
So, I got to the wednesday. So after speaking to my friend...let's call him J, I knew that she was worried about me, and had given me the space when I wasn't talking to her to let me sort out whatever.
On the Tuesday I had sent her a friend request on Facebook, and by pure coincidence she had accepted it when I was talking to J. I asked for his opinion, and he said to talk to her.
To cut out a bit of the crap, I maned up and started talking to her, where I explained how I was feeling and my reasoning behind it all (like I said, I might talk about this at another point). After talking for a bit that day, we started to talk a bit more, just some general chit chat here and there, trying to start up the friendship again, which I was happy about.
Then this Wednesday came around... Just to let you know, basically a group of us went out to see a film, then we went to J's house to hang out in for a bit. K was there as well, as she was the one that asked about meeting up, so there was around 10 of us at the end of the day more or less.
Now naturally as this was the first time speeding to her face to face, I was a bit shy and awkward. But after a while I began to warm up, before I was speaking to her. It was a good day meeting up with everyone, but after spending the time around her, it was making me think.
So after getting back home, I decided to tell her something that I originally was going to tell her at a later date. Recently I found a song, and one that's probably going to become my summer song, that basically summed up how I was feeling. The song is Alex Clare - Too Close if you're wondering and want to listen.
This then started more or less a conversation in which we talked more or less what I was thinking. We talked about how I was feeling, and what we should change, which I'm still thinking about at the moment. After a while, I asked for her opinion and she said she was sorry that I had fallen for someone that couldn't make me happy in that way, which I said not to worry as it was one of those things. She also said that she wanted remain friends, in which I said we would and I told her this:
Theres a quote that expressed what I think...let me find it. "A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand, and touches your heart." And that's what you've done, you've been a true friend.
So after that I got a bit emotional (3 times in two days because of this situation) and had to be alone, I which she said how much those words meant to her.
So that's it really. We are talking, even though I have to push all my feelings for her out the window (try and find which part of the song shows that.)
Love is a bitch, as it likes to screw you and everyone closest to you over, with yourself being hit the hardest. Its hard to accept all of it, but it's life after all. I love her, but I just can't be with her....
And here come the tears again now...
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Post by Grey on Jul 20, 2012 15:43:50 GMT -5
Normally, Sheep, my young apprentice, I'd say something flippant here. (My original inclination was to say "fuck bitches, get money") However, I don't think that's going to help you much. I had a similar situation when I was in high school. A girl I just could not stop thinking about. At the time it seemed as if she were the be all, end all of my existence. I've got a ton of stories involving this girl, I mean we did stuff all the time, and I love her about as truly as anyone can love another person, but sometimes the paths in our lives take us away from the things that we think we want.
After high school I moved away, and spent some time in college. She found a guy (who I will grudgingly admit treats her very well.) and she wound up having a baby. I suppose what I'm trying to say here, is that as a man, you have to understand that we don't always get the things we want, and it's very important to think of other people's happiness. Right now, at this point in my relationship with said girl, nothing makes me happier than just spending some time with a very dear friend.
We all have our Great White Buffaloes, Sheepy. The upside is that you're still young, and she could very well still change her mind. Just be a nice guy, and read the signs and if you're still interested and she's on board... make a move. I still maintain that "fuck bitches, get money" is a good way to live, but at the moment I have neither... so I think it sounds more glamorous than it might really be.
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Post by G♌I♏♏ on Jul 20, 2012 15:56:07 GMT -5
Sheepy, I know how much that sucks. I've been there, I don't think I'm brave enough to say everything I want too here, but just know that I'm always here to listen if you want.
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Post by Sp❣rit on Jul 20, 2012 16:16:11 GMT -5
Oh no, Sheepy. That sounds so rough. I don't have any personal experiences that are like that, but I still feel as if I can relate. It's not easy talking about personal issues, but we're all here for you. I think it was brave of you to be so upfront about a lot of this, and hey, no one is looking down on you. Sheepers, mannnnn. We're here. We could use a big Cheyenne group hug.
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Post by ichi on Jul 20, 2012 19:15:36 GMT -5
Hey man. I know..absolutely nothing about you..but like..I can relate big time to that. Heck..for 3 years of my high school I was in love with my best friend...and in the end when we're finally almost about to date? I went into a coma. Love is a bitch..but like i've said to many of friends of mine. While this girl may seem to be the only one for you..there are millions of ladies in the world (albeit some better than others but..that's not the point) where one fails..you find new love. In a different form. Heck you may realize (as I have) that this person who's the only one you want..doesn't deserve you..and you'll find someone you like even more. I can say this honestly dude (And normally..I really don't care to discuss these types of things) I can relate to you on so many levels..with some being old and some being current. Chin up! EDIT: Plus..a word of advice. Even if your hearts not in it..sometimes the jealously factor may spark some thinking in the person who says the have no interest...just saying
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Post by Grey on Jul 20, 2012 20:31:14 GMT -5
Hey man. I know..absolutely nothing about you..but like..I can relate big time to that. Heck..for 3 years of my high school I was in love with my best friend...and in the end when we're finally almost about to date? I went into a coma. Love is a bitch..but like i've said to many of friends of mine. Heck..for 3 years of my high school I was in love with my best friend...and in the end when we're finally almost about to date? I went into a coma. Get this man the unlucky achievement.
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Post by ichi on Jul 21, 2012 9:26:49 GMT -5
<_< Thanks for pointing that out but...that wasn't the point of me saying that. I'm fine now. Just that's part of the story..with the moral being sometimes things happen that you can't control.
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Post by Sheepy on Jul 21, 2012 10:34:26 GMT -5
Grey: Thanks for that man, but I think I'll pass on that phrase. But like I told, if she's happy with her boyfriend at the moment, then I'm happy as well, which I am. Its just a big kick in the balls that all. Seeing her each day with him at school? Its tough times indeed...especially when your hanging out with friends with them nearby as well. Grimm: Thanks Darling Spirit: t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ5WVVfEXkTfOpa89rlcwDSL6832otySCSSdrAxQLqtx60V6UY391fTycb7iA [/img]Hug? Ichi: Thanks for that man. I know that there are plenty of other girls out there, however for me I'm not the most sociable person out there really. So meeting someone new could be a bit of a problem... But yeah, that adive is quite useful :')
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Post by ichi on Jul 21, 2012 10:47:42 GMT -5
Hey I wasn't much of a sociable person either. But i've discovered the easiest secret to...becoming that way.
Most people can usually subconsciously feel if you're nervous..or hesitant. If you just act confident. People will gravitate for you. You don't even have to really be that way...just like. Pretend! It works wonders..
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Post by Sheepy on Jul 21, 2012 11:21:25 GMT -5
I know....
I have been trying to become more sociable recently, e.g. going out with friends etc. But its hard, but I do try my best talking to people if I can. I guess it just takes time afterall I suppose
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Post by ichi on Jul 21, 2012 11:46:28 GMT -5
Welp. I'm not even sure how you can go about that...but generally the way I did that was...take any opportunity to go and do stuff. You'll meet different people that way and be able to make a fresh start in a sense! Even being bold (Since i'm guessing you're still in school) sitting at a different table at lunch? Talking to someone you never have before? Stuff like that..
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Post by Sheepy on Jul 21, 2012 11:53:07 GMT -5
Thats true; if there was an oppurtunity for me to go out with some friends, then yes I would take it...unless I had something all ready planned though.
But, the thing is at school I am capable of talking to people, and I know most of the people at school as well. But there are some people I wouldn't like to speak to, simply becuase of their attitudes etx.
I dunno. Its a hard situation for me I guess really...
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Post by ichi on Jul 21, 2012 12:28:56 GMT -5
Well then..the best thing I can recommend is whenever you start college..reinvent yourself! Since no one will really know you..you can make a fresh start and be whoever you want! It comes quicker than you think..heck I can't even remember my first 2 years in high school..in a month i'll be living in my dorm. And if a fresh start means to you as much as it did for me..you can try to go to a school where not many people know who you are..or many of your closer friends are. (The school i'm going to only has 6 kids from my high school going there so basically it's a new start!)
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Post by Sheepy on Aug 9, 2012 7:34:17 GMT -5
So I need to do an update I think, as there's been a slight change, and I don't know what to think now to be honest, except for one thing
My life = TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Its made for trolling me I guess :'D
Anyways, basicly, last night went to a party and there was a possibility that K might be there, although I wouldn't know until I got there. Thankfully, she wasn't so I had some breathing space. So you might be thinking what changed then? Well let me explain...
A couple of weeks ago I met up with a group of friends, we saw a film and then went to someone's house for a bit. One fo the new people I met there wasa girl, who I'll refer to as N. So she was at the party last night, and we was having a good laugh (Note: she is single, for the moment) with everything was ahppening, having a couple of drinks. I'll admit I was flirting with her a bit, but this seemed to cause a bit of emotions in someone else...S I think will be good enough.
We all know that S has had some feeling's for N for a long time, even though he never admitted it openly. However it was only last night that when I was slightly flirting a bit was that he said that he had eyes for her and I should back off. I laughed at this as it was quite funny, but it was only about 30 mins later when I actually thought about it.
Did I have slight feelings for N? To be honest I couldn't really tell at all, but as my life would continue to troll me, S had the balls to tell her that he liked her, and if she felt the same way (I won't discuss what was said there, done of my business.) I saw he sent that, and me and N went for a DCM (Could someone tell me what this might mean? Have no idea what it meant at all. All we did was talk...) in which I baisicly told her the crooks of what was happening with me and K, as N said she figured out that I liked her from the meeting a couple of weeks ago. Which reminds me, I need to ask her how she noticed.... But she said that to help I needed to move on from her not for herself, but for me ultimately which was quite true
Anyways, it got to the point where we started talking about her and S yady yada ya, and we went back to the party. Then after she left (this was aorund 10:30 pm as she had a flight to catch the next morning) Me and S started talking, and I told him to go for it really. Ask her out and have the balls to do what I never could which was asking how K felt about me. He said he would, and that was that.
So as I was on my way back home, I decided I needed to show some courage for myself so I sent a text to K about how she really felt about me regardless of what happened. She said she cared for me very much, and I was a very close friend. This was around maybe 11:30 at night, so she said that she was tired and was going to bed, and maybe we would speak to each other tomorrow (Today basicly).
So end results: My feelings for K are still there, although I don't know what to do. And about N? To be honest, I am not sure at all. Time will tell I guess. I wish the best of luck for S if he ask's her out, in which case the feelings will probably go away. If not....I have no idea what will happen.
So stay tuned for the next dramalama that will take place in Sheep's life :'D
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Post by CASTAWAY on Aug 9, 2012 7:52:21 GMT -5
Sheepy, bby! It's totally okay. I understand completely. I mean, that type of thing has never happened in exactly that manner, but there are definitely a couple of guys over the years that I've liked. Unfortunately, most of them weren't exactly very nice, and turned out to be dicks when they got older. :/ so I've just left them behind. But Sheepppppyy, I want you to know I'm here for you man. :3 You're an amazing person and I'll always be a friend! I'll listen to all of the things you have to say. Because ranting and letting out all of those enclosed emotions do a hell of a lot of good. Trust me, just letting other people hear about some of your problems and concerns helps you relax. Just knowing someone has our back, man. I love you Sheepy. :3
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Post by Sp❣rit on Aug 9, 2012 10:11:49 GMT -5
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy
you have so much going on! It sounds emotionally draining. D: We have your back, sheepers. I think things will be ok whether you get the girl or not, buuut it sure won't feel ok until it's over.
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Post by Sheepy on Aug 9, 2012 10:31:46 GMT -5
Thanks guys for the support as always, means a lot <3
I can see that life is trying to troll me, and it's just funny now with what's happening. I would like all of this to be over sooner than later, btu I guess life would step in again to intervene in some way or another
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Post by Sheepy on Sept 23, 2012 12:13:41 GMT -5
UPDATE TIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME! So, last post was in August wasn't it? Well some things have happened, so due to the fact that Im totally not bored and wasnt a reasoning for getting out of work, I'll provide a quick update. So after my holiday, I decided that I did kinda like N but I decided that I wouldn't say anything due to the fact of only meeting her twice. Skip forward to Septermber and school starts. I go to a rugby social, got a bit pissed and sent a text to N saying "Evening Beautiful"; she guessed that I was partially tipsy so we both laughed it off really as a bit of nater. Some people at school the next week saw it and proceeded to take the piss out of me really, before they started a "competion" between me and someone else at school who liked her as well (for your information S did ask her out, but she said no as she wasn't looking for a boyfriend). So banter at school etc, jokes being made here and there, until somepeople deicded to talk to her on facebook, and essientially made her guess who liked her. I only found out about this after it happened, and when I saw the conversation and her guessing right, lets just say shit got real; I was advised on two fronts. One was to ask her out and go for it, the other was just a warning not to do something silly like that at all. Anyway, I sent her a text asking if she would mind talking face to face or ont he phone. She was busy with work for most of the week, so it ended up talking on the phone in which we talked about what had been said. I said that it was true in a way, but it wasn't the way I would of liked for it be said. She agreeded with it, before stating that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I said that this was actually fine with me, and the reason for wanting to talk to her was to make sure that things wouldn't be awkward among us anymore in the future, and that I just wanted to be friends really. So not much of a sob story really, but in a way a kind of a sad happy ending. Now I'm just looking forward to the future and what it might bring for me....just hopefully not something terrible hopefully
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