Post by Jasthn~:3 on Apr 11, 2012 17:52:18 GMT -5
Those of you who are pro-christian or are offended by hateful words to God I'm warning you now do not continue. the last thing I want to do is offend anyone else because I have different views.
Fool me once, shame on you...
First of all, you have been a pain in my ass for far too long. YOU have been the force in my life stopping me, dragging me down, suffocating me and crushing me. You have been the part of my life that has shown me no love, even when I did follow you. You turned your back on me, spit in my face, muted me. When you did face me you threw every little bitter feeling my way. I'm not your little "toy" that you can play around with. and you were never mine. I never disrespected you, I never opposed you. Hell, I could care less about hurting you or anyone else. However, maybe this just gave you the idea to lash out at me. Your "followers", the people that love you, the people YOU love put me in a corner, your people hurt me, your people made fun of me in every way possible. YOU made fun of me, you hurt me, you abandoned me. What did I say? "Fuck you", and I left. I had enough of your bullshit, I had enough of your disrespect, I had enough of your lies, your "promise" of happy life and peace when following you. I have to say "bullshit" on that. You're nothing but a phony, a false being, something created in a story back in the ancient days and are a character that has been followed since then. If you do exist, you have nothing but a sick sense of humor, laughing your ass off as you pit me against all your followers.
I left your ideals and religion, and continued on by myself and for the following 5 years I would continue my life without you, living on my own. My parents ridiculed me, antagonized me for not following you. Family friends soon followed and silently viewed me as some sort of "unholy" being, a demon probably. Friends shunned me, made fun of me, you sat there and watched. I didn't care, I saw you weren't going to do anything and so I continued on. I told myself every day "you're a lie. Why do people love you, a story character?" It didn't make sense to me, why they loved a fictional character, but hated me. Why are these people so ignorant, thick headed? I became depressed, I carved my hateful words into my mind and soul, I carved them into my skin. My arms, wrists, anything I could find were covered in scratches, cuts, gashes, words I repeated in my head all day: "die". "hate", "unloved", words I could feel drowning me in my hate and sorrow. My thoughts became increasingly more rash and suicidal. I began to cut near my collar bones, held a knife to my throat, tried to take pills to end everything. I dragged on through school even though I wanted to die. My grades continued to plummet. I had barely passed through middle school, having a high D as my highest grade. And that was in art. Hell, I began to drink. It kept me calm, at least for a short time. it got me to bed easily, it put my mind at ease. Almost as close as my suicide was drugs. Luckily I didn't do this.
By the time I had gotten to High School I had hardened skin. My mind was calm, but it was extremely sharp in how to get people away from me and how to deny Gods existence. My heart was stone, impenetrable and could not be broken, but unloving. This didn't stop the cutting though, as by now I had only been doing it to remind myself I was stronger than any God, any person that followed Him and stronger than anyone else in the world. It wasn't until halfway through the school year I found someone who would change my life COMPLETELY around. She was, is, and continues to be my best friend, inspiration and motivation to be who I am. She's my best friend and continues to be so. It wasn't until then I could see clearly, how I could be happy, I felt so unbelievably happy when I was around her. She inspired me to be a better person, she inspired me to open up towards other people. Because of her, I slowly began to make new friends, I slowly became the person people know and love today.
Fool me twice, shame on me...
It wouldn't be until later that I met one of the most wonderful people in my life. Or... THE most wonderful person in my life. She was bubbly, happy, nice, cute, beautiful, smart, loving, she was everything I could have asked for. However... she was christian. At first I was skeptical, I guess everything in my heart wasn't completely gone. After some time though, she continued to be the one person to be by my side for everything, she was my support and inspiration to keep going even if I felt heartbroken or mad or angry. So... who would blame me if I dated her? We went out happily, and everything was so good... But YOU imposed. She started asking me if I wanted to go to her youth group, and hey, I had to make her happy right? I went, and it started going alright. I thought maybe I should try again... maybe I would find something good this time? No, I was wrong. People began to find out I wasn't that Christian, and over time started to ask me "Why do you not go to church?" Me, trying to be the guy to not start a fight, gave a decent explanation that wouldn't harm these people or inspire them to include me in their practice too much. However, that wasn't enough. "Let God lead your life. He's the only one who should be telling you what to do." Well how in Gods FUCKING name shoudl I do that? I gave up on the bitch, I was trying too until you started forcing me to do what you... no, God wanted me to do. I would happily learn at my own pace, learn Him my own way. But that wasn't enough. Sure, I had sex, and I wouldn't doubt it hurt my girlfriend (who is pro-purity, no sex) and I don't blame her. This religion is her life... as much as I wanted to keep it secret I had to tell her... I didn't want to keep secrets between us. She accepted it, and moved on. I apologized my best, tried to make it up to her as best as humanly possible, and everything was happy again. But YOU imposed...
Sooner or later you'd show your face, show your colors again.
Eventually things come to and end. Like it or not, I do see that and I do accept it. What I do not and will not accept (or rather cannot understand) is how someone is so willing to follow your rule and authority. Her excuse, "He's telling me to let go. He's saying "trust me, just let go", and I did. It hurt like fuck, but I did it." You, an imaginary being continue to tear away at my life? The fuck? This is why I was skeptical at first with her, and just as I had predicted I was right. She says "In the bible it's said that people who are not of the same religion don't always last long..." This is your fucking excuse? Excuse me? Just as I can predict every other person in the world, I assume correctly that she was leaving me for someone else, and I was right again about who it was. He's a Christian kid, a firm believer too. Of course she goes for him. I try to help her out, I'm still her friend and as hurt as I may be I'm not going to let that get in her way. However, as she's "recovering" from our break up, I'm trying to cheer her up, even though I'm in the same boat as her. I leave her alone when she wants me to, and text her ONLY when she texts me. I ask the same of her and what does she do? Texts me all the time. How can I feel better when she's constantly reminding me of how she's not mind anymore, continuing to stay in my mind. It wasn't until recently that I nearly fell all the way back to who I was before, the figure of me that sickens me to my stomach. It was because of you that I began to carve these words into my skin again, hold the knife to my neck again, drag my hollow body through school with a happy mask on my face. All because of you... No... You're God, the one who I used to love before he turned his back on me. I see now, you were just a puppet, a mask so that He could get close to me and destroy me. Luckily, and my heart jumps in joy when I hear this, the boy she left me for is a flirt and leads every girl on, her included, and she has little to no chance with him. Even now he's in love with another girl and is leading her on. Part of my mind is saying "Karma, bitch. You deserved this you ass", the other part of my mind is saying "You poor thing. Keep trying, you'll get him. You could get any guy you wanted too, I'm sure :c" Which part of my mind do I follow, though? I still love her, I want her to feel better even if it's wit another guy, but I still feel mad that God would use her to carve me open like this. My mind has be swimming, spiraling downwards, it's ripping itself apart to the point that I feel like there's two of me fighting in my head. I promise, this will be the last time I ever reason with you, God, you sick fuck. You've done nothing but kick me on the ground, spit on me, rip my insides out, toy with me and my emotions. You have done nothing for me and who I am is because of me and me alone. SO fuck you, and everything you stand for. While I will not hunt down and yell at your followers, but I will bitch them out if they so try and force me to do what you want me to do. I have no problem with them, I have problems with the die hard "if-you're-not-christian-you're-the biggest-asshole-in-the-world" people who force Christianity onto everyone.
Oh and by the way. Fuck you, for controlling the girl that I love with your fucking lies, pulling her away from me like a puppet on strings. Your sense of sick atrocious humor will not be so easily forgotten by me.
Fool me once, shame on you...
First of all, you have been a pain in my ass for far too long. YOU have been the force in my life stopping me, dragging me down, suffocating me and crushing me. You have been the part of my life that has shown me no love, even when I did follow you. You turned your back on me, spit in my face, muted me. When you did face me you threw every little bitter feeling my way. I'm not your little "toy" that you can play around with. and you were never mine. I never disrespected you, I never opposed you. Hell, I could care less about hurting you or anyone else. However, maybe this just gave you the idea to lash out at me. Your "followers", the people that love you, the people YOU love put me in a corner, your people hurt me, your people made fun of me in every way possible. YOU made fun of me, you hurt me, you abandoned me. What did I say? "Fuck you", and I left. I had enough of your bullshit, I had enough of your disrespect, I had enough of your lies, your "promise" of happy life and peace when following you. I have to say "bullshit" on that. You're nothing but a phony, a false being, something created in a story back in the ancient days and are a character that has been followed since then. If you do exist, you have nothing but a sick sense of humor, laughing your ass off as you pit me against all your followers.
I left your ideals and religion, and continued on by myself and for the following 5 years I would continue my life without you, living on my own. My parents ridiculed me, antagonized me for not following you. Family friends soon followed and silently viewed me as some sort of "unholy" being, a demon probably. Friends shunned me, made fun of me, you sat there and watched. I didn't care, I saw you weren't going to do anything and so I continued on. I told myself every day "you're a lie. Why do people love you, a story character?" It didn't make sense to me, why they loved a fictional character, but hated me. Why are these people so ignorant, thick headed? I became depressed, I carved my hateful words into my mind and soul, I carved them into my skin. My arms, wrists, anything I could find were covered in scratches, cuts, gashes, words I repeated in my head all day: "die". "hate", "unloved", words I could feel drowning me in my hate and sorrow. My thoughts became increasingly more rash and suicidal. I began to cut near my collar bones, held a knife to my throat, tried to take pills to end everything. I dragged on through school even though I wanted to die. My grades continued to plummet. I had barely passed through middle school, having a high D as my highest grade. And that was in art. Hell, I began to drink. It kept me calm, at least for a short time. it got me to bed easily, it put my mind at ease. Almost as close as my suicide was drugs. Luckily I didn't do this.
By the time I had gotten to High School I had hardened skin. My mind was calm, but it was extremely sharp in how to get people away from me and how to deny Gods existence. My heart was stone, impenetrable and could not be broken, but unloving. This didn't stop the cutting though, as by now I had only been doing it to remind myself I was stronger than any God, any person that followed Him and stronger than anyone else in the world. It wasn't until halfway through the school year I found someone who would change my life COMPLETELY around. She was, is, and continues to be my best friend, inspiration and motivation to be who I am. She's my best friend and continues to be so. It wasn't until then I could see clearly, how I could be happy, I felt so unbelievably happy when I was around her. She inspired me to be a better person, she inspired me to open up towards other people. Because of her, I slowly began to make new friends, I slowly became the person people know and love today.
Fool me twice, shame on me...
It wouldn't be until later that I met one of the most wonderful people in my life. Or... THE most wonderful person in my life. She was bubbly, happy, nice, cute, beautiful, smart, loving, she was everything I could have asked for. However... she was christian. At first I was skeptical, I guess everything in my heart wasn't completely gone. After some time though, she continued to be the one person to be by my side for everything, she was my support and inspiration to keep going even if I felt heartbroken or mad or angry. So... who would blame me if I dated her? We went out happily, and everything was so good... But YOU imposed. She started asking me if I wanted to go to her youth group, and hey, I had to make her happy right? I went, and it started going alright. I thought maybe I should try again... maybe I would find something good this time? No, I was wrong. People began to find out I wasn't that Christian, and over time started to ask me "Why do you not go to church?" Me, trying to be the guy to not start a fight, gave a decent explanation that wouldn't harm these people or inspire them to include me in their practice too much. However, that wasn't enough. "Let God lead your life. He's the only one who should be telling you what to do." Well how in Gods FUCKING name shoudl I do that? I gave up on the bitch, I was trying too until you started forcing me to do what you... no, God wanted me to do. I would happily learn at my own pace, learn Him my own way. But that wasn't enough. Sure, I had sex, and I wouldn't doubt it hurt my girlfriend (who is pro-purity, no sex) and I don't blame her. This religion is her life... as much as I wanted to keep it secret I had to tell her... I didn't want to keep secrets between us. She accepted it, and moved on. I apologized my best, tried to make it up to her as best as humanly possible, and everything was happy again. But YOU imposed...
Sooner or later you'd show your face, show your colors again.
Eventually things come to and end. Like it or not, I do see that and I do accept it. What I do not and will not accept (or rather cannot understand) is how someone is so willing to follow your rule and authority. Her excuse, "He's telling me to let go. He's saying "trust me, just let go", and I did. It hurt like fuck, but I did it." You, an imaginary being continue to tear away at my life? The fuck? This is why I was skeptical at first with her, and just as I had predicted I was right. She says "In the bible it's said that people who are not of the same religion don't always last long..." This is your fucking excuse? Excuse me? Just as I can predict every other person in the world, I assume correctly that she was leaving me for someone else, and I was right again about who it was. He's a Christian kid, a firm believer too. Of course she goes for him. I try to help her out, I'm still her friend and as hurt as I may be I'm not going to let that get in her way. However, as she's "recovering" from our break up, I'm trying to cheer her up, even though I'm in the same boat as her. I leave her alone when she wants me to, and text her ONLY when she texts me. I ask the same of her and what does she do? Texts me all the time. How can I feel better when she's constantly reminding me of how she's not mind anymore, continuing to stay in my mind. It wasn't until recently that I nearly fell all the way back to who I was before, the figure of me that sickens me to my stomach. It was because of you that I began to carve these words into my skin again, hold the knife to my neck again, drag my hollow body through school with a happy mask on my face. All because of you... No... You're God, the one who I used to love before he turned his back on me. I see now, you were just a puppet, a mask so that He could get close to me and destroy me. Luckily, and my heart jumps in joy when I hear this, the boy she left me for is a flirt and leads every girl on, her included, and she has little to no chance with him. Even now he's in love with another girl and is leading her on. Part of my mind is saying "Karma, bitch. You deserved this you ass", the other part of my mind is saying "You poor thing. Keep trying, you'll get him. You could get any guy you wanted too, I'm sure :c" Which part of my mind do I follow, though? I still love her, I want her to feel better even if it's wit another guy, but I still feel mad that God would use her to carve me open like this. My mind has be swimming, spiraling downwards, it's ripping itself apart to the point that I feel like there's two of me fighting in my head. I promise, this will be the last time I ever reason with you, God, you sick fuck. You've done nothing but kick me on the ground, spit on me, rip my insides out, toy with me and my emotions. You have done nothing for me and who I am is because of me and me alone. SO fuck you, and everything you stand for. While I will not hunt down and yell at your followers, but I will bitch them out if they so try and force me to do what you want me to do. I have no problem with them, I have problems with the die hard "if-you're-not-christian-you're-the biggest-asshole-in-the-world" people who force Christianity onto everyone.
Oh and by the way. Fuck you, for controlling the girl that I love with your fucking lies, pulling her away from me like a puppet on strings. Your sense of sick atrocious humor will not be so easily forgotten by me.