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Post by jenni on Mar 1, 2011 22:25:51 GMT -5
I know I just joined and i know its not like... appropriate just to lay everything out in the first ...-looks at clock- like, five/six/seven hours i've been here, (maybe more) but I can't keep this in anymore. I swear to god I'll explode.
first. i have major trust issues. yeah yeah i know. not so uncommon. but i do, and most of them stem from all the shit i've put myself through. anyways. i've only dated two boys, one i'm still dating now. but my first boyfriend ..... ugh.
we dated from when i was fifteen to when i was seventeen, which is like two years. but he's a drug addict and an alcoholic and a jerk and ugh. i think i loved him, like... for real. under the drugs and alcohol and bad-ass nature that was all him, i knew i loved him. he made me feel safe and protected and loved and warm and everything. he knew what to say, how to say it, he made my fucked up trust issues go away. i was his best friend and he was my best friend.
then we broke up.
i was "too distant" and he "just wasnt feeling it anymore." he chose the drugs over me and it stung me for so long i almost swore off boys. so, for about two months we didn't talk. he moved to michigan and i stayed in canada. then we started talking again. we went back to being best friends. he told me he didnt care if i dated someone else and i said the same, but he knew i was lying. i dont get jealous, okay? i really don't. i've never been jealous of anyone in my life and even if i have been it was extremely moderate and hardly noticable.
i still love him. he knows that too. my current boyfriend knows i still love my ex, but then again he knows me. anyways thats not the point.
these last two weeks have been so bad for me. my ex put me on webcam with him so he could make out and essentially have titsex with "his best friend." i didnt stay long; not when he pulled her top off. i stopped the chat and sat in silence. then he comes on, pulling his "hey guess what? i actually care about you!" act. i fell for it. i told him it hurt to see him with her and he was like "i'd never date her, she's my best friend."
guess what happened about ... oh two days after he tells me this?
yep. he dates her. so tonight i ask him about what he told me, and he was like "oh. i just asked her out. no biggie."
.... no biggie? NO FUCKING BIGGIE? ugh. im over reacting, i have to be, right? since we told each other we could see each other ... and how im currently in a very happy relationship with someone else... i have to be over reacting, right?
but he lied to me. he broke my trust in him. thats what hurts the most is that he told me he wouldn't and he did it anyways. so while i sit here shaking like a leaf he's with her, acting like he doesnt know how bad im hurting.
its killing me and he knows it.
/end rant.
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Post by Kathryn on Mar 12, 2011 8:32:53 GMT -5
Hey Jenni!
Well I can’t really contribute much to the boyfriend problem – I’ve not much experience in that area, but I know how you feel with the trust. I find it incredibly hard to trust a lot of people, and it doesn’t help that I’m a loner at school and I keep to myself. You’re brave for coming out, and don’t worry about when you joined~ If you’re a member of Cheyenne, you’re a member of our family.as screwed up as it may be. It doesn’t matter to us at all how long you’ve been on here~ We help who we can, and that’s what makes us a community of Pokémon-loving RolePlayers with Random friends! =D You need to go and get more friends. Not just any friends, but find people who you don’t think would let you down and try to build up a relationship with them as friends.
The most important thing about relationship is trust – I’m not going to lie, and from experience I’ve had it broken so many times that it’s become a bit of an issue. I have trouble trusting even my own father at times – and he never breaks a promise if he can help it.
Start on here. Stay around, talk to other members and befriend them <3 A lot of the members here say something and we stick to it like glue. And you’re not overreacting at all. Having this happen is not a pleasant experience – it wakes people up to the true world in its fucked up entirety. RolePlay, get to know people on here and try not to focus on your problems if you can help it. Relax on here, talk to someone and just let things go at their own pace. Rushing things is often the quickest way of solving it, but also the most dangerous one.
I hope I helped ^-^
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